11.8.04

Helpless...

Ugh...its Monday :p

Today hasn't been too bad though... I'm just really tired and would've liked to have gone back to bed.

Anyway...I think I'm going to use this time to rant now, so if you want just skip down to the part where it says TTFN!

Ok Seth and I have been dating for about 2 years now. 2 whole years. Our relationship with each other is wonderful and we keep on getting closer and he's my best friend and I just can't wait to spend forever with him. But I guess nothing can be perfect right? Because things with his mother haven't gotten any better since day one. I was reading some entries from this time last year...it was the same kind of things happening. It just seems like she has to control everything he's doing and just doesn't treat him his age. I could understand the things she does even if he were 14. But he's not. He's 19, and an adult. He's basically not allowed to make any decisions himself. For example he's been doing a lot of research into Scripture and doctrinal issues and is very interested in learning more about Lutheran doctrine. (Not neccesserily because of me, but just interested in general) Yet his mom won't let him talk to Pastor Vernick at all. It's not like he's going to "convert" him from meeting and discussing things and answering questions. In fact, NOBODY is going to convert him. Not me, not pastor, not some book (thats a long story I'm not getting into). The ONLY thing that would "convert" him so to speak is the Word of God and the Holy Spirit. So yea I just think that is rediculous. Not to mention he's an adult and is fully capable of making that decision on his own. That's not to say his parents couldn't give him any guidence or advice or opinions and that he wouldn't value them. Its just that the time has come when his mom should let go and let him make the decision for himself.

It's also frustrating for him that he has to fight her almost every time we do anything together. We still have a 30-minute phone limit, and he has to practically beg or just downright sneak around to talk to me on Sundays (Who knows why...) He's only allowed to go to clogging two nights a week if he has to do lessons for Teresa or the nursing home is that week. Otherwise she wants him home. Any reason? No. None at all. Well except maybe she doesn't want him spending time with me. Even if he gets all his homework done and isn't out late at all he's still not allowed to go, at least without fighting for it. It just doesn't make sense. It's not like he's never home. I could almost understand my parents being more that way than his, because I'm never home... I'm always at school or work or clogging or church or something. But he's always home or with his family. The only time that he's not is when he's at clogging or doing something with me.

And you know it wouldn't even bother me as much if I didn't see how hard it was on him. He's frustrated and gets upset and I just think he's tired of it. Tired of fighting with her all the time. :S I don't even know what to do. I want to help but I can't and I don't even know what to tell him to do. He would just "put his foot down" but the thing is he's still dependant on his parents for everything. He has tried talking to his mom, but all he ever gets is brushed off, or she'll say she's wrong and apologize but "I'm sorry" doesn't mean anything if she never makes and effort to change at all.

I've been praying lots for Seth and his mom and me...but it just seems like nothing is happening. Nothing is improving. She still doesn't want us to be together just as much now as she did the day he asked me out. I know everything will work out for Seth and me, and I know we'll be happy (well we ARE happy)...but the thing is I want it to work out for her too. I want her to be happy and excited when we get engaged...not disappointed and upset. I want her to be supportive of Seth in our relationship and I want her to have a good relationship with her son, and me. I want her to be at our wedding and to be happy. I DON'T want to be one of these people that can't get along with or can just barely put up with their mother-in-law. I want to get along with her, and I want to get along with her well. I don't necceserily have to be all "buddy-buddy" with her, but I want to be close with her. I'm trying as hard as I know how and I have been trying since Day 1 because it really is important to me. I guess it's not as important to her... or if it is she certainly doesn't show it. I've never gotten the impression that she was trying to get along with me and stuff. NEVER felt like she was going out of her way or even giving all her effort to be friendly and stuff. She hasn't been mean or anything, just not overly warm.

I just don't know what to do anymore... I hate seeing Seth so sad and upset and frustrated and I want to help...but I don't know what to do. I just feel helpless. :S

Alrighty well that's all I'll rant about now... I have to go to History class. :p TTFN!

~Melissa

<< | >>